Fish and Cherries Productions

Kingsman: The Secret Service was ridiculously good fun, with an emphasis on “ridiculous.” Everything is too over the top not to enjoy, from the incredibly stylized action to the visual stylistic choices of the effects and designs and ending at the ridiculous lisp that Samuel L. Jackson some how manages to pull off. I can honestly remember just about everything in the movie because it was so distinct. While watching it, I remember thinking that this looked like an amazing comic book movie, but then I saw in the credits that it was a comic book movie based on a piece by Mark Millar (a man that I have a contentious relationship with and will get to at a later date). In fact, the guy who directed this also directed Kick-Ass and X-Men: First Class, two other comic book movies the embraced stylishness, going over the top, and just being fun in general (Well, maybe not so much Kick-Ass).

Going for an R-rating might turn some people off, but I think it works to the movie’s benefit because it opens the door for a lot of impressive and brutal fight scenes. But it doesn’t go towards grittiness like other films in the genre do and instead delivers some incredibly well choreographed fight scenes enhanced by great cinematography. One of the standout moments is an elaborate fight scene in a hate church that goes on for several minutes, but is done in no more than ten long take shots. There’s plenty of over-the-top violence in it, so it’s as galling as it is cathartic (the church is based on a certain other “religious” group that likes to picket funerals, so it’s hard not to feel some satisfaction). Judging on that, I can surmise that this movie is bound to offend some people’s sensibilities with the type of violence and occasional promiscuity it serves up. But when all is said and done, it’s a dick flick (opposite of chick flick) and as such, it’s bound to have some tropes that manipulate teenage testosterone. Honestly, though, it’s a lot smarter and less insulting than some of the other dick flicks out there. I’d rather watch our main hero get into an amazingly choreographed fight against the kickass villainess with the bladed prosthetic legs than cringe during a fight against a Decepticon displaying its robot testicles any day.

I’d love to gush about this longer, but then this will turn from a Reel Snippet into a full-on essay. I’ll just wrap up by saying that with smart, semi-subversive writing, a great parody sense for spoofing some classic James Bond tropes, and clever characters that I’d love to see more of in cinema today, Kingsman gets two huge blade-prosthetic thumbs up from me.

Fifty Shades of Grey was bad with a capital B. Even if I hadn’t been loaded with alcohol while watching, the dialogue was stilted and bad enough to make me burst out laughing. This attempt at romance fails not just because the sex scenes have the steaminess of a plate of cold noodles, but Christian Grey is creepy enough to have a book based on him entitled Fifteen Ways to Know You’re Dating a Serial Killer. For crying out loud, after Anastasia refuses his advances, he drives her to a remote area of the woods and asks her to take a walk with him. What do your parents have to do to you to make you think that’s a good idea?

Worst of all, the movie had no plot whatsoever. The closest thing I can think of is it revolving around whether or not Anastasia signs the contract (and really, is there nothing hotter and sexier than reducing red hot passionate sex to paperwork?), but even that’s weak as all hell. There is no payoff in this movie whatsoever. The sex scenes are awful, the characters are morons, Christian is hilariously awful in how he was written to personify vaginal manipulation, and lest we forget the horrible and abusive way this movie paints BDSM culture. Really, everyone has beaten that drum until the hide broke and it wasn’t nearly as awful in that regard as I dreaded (though it’s still pretty bad). See this only if you have enough friends to riff it and alcohol to dull the experience, but for God’s sake, don’t pay for it. It really is hilariously dreadful and if I see a worse movie this year… I don’t know, I may actually resign doing Reel Snippets.

Slap Shot is crude, raunchy, offensive, and violent… and I loved almost every second of it. Part of it comes from the fact that it’s not your average sports movie and it turns a lot of wholesome conventions on their head, culminating in an ending that’s too surreal not to love. It’s very clear that you’re not supposed to entirely side with the home team being as violent in the hockey rink as they are, but it’s so damn hilarious that you start crying out for blood just as much as the spectators on film. Anything involving the childlike yet overly brutal Hanson brothers had me in stitches.

The movie isn’t a complete winner; there’s a subplot involving someone possibly sleeping with the main character’s wife that I didn’t really follow. There’s also a lot of truly offensive language, so this might turn off some people with more delicate sensibilities. However, the fact that this was written by a woman, an Academy Award winner in fact, might mitigate some potential outrage. That right there sums up this movie in a nutshell: bro-ishness and feminism mixed together with an overpowering dose of the seventies. I feel sad that this movie has somewhat fallen through the cracks of popular consciousness because it really is unlike any sports movie I’ve ever seen. Even if you’re not a fan of sports movies, definitely give this one a shot. A “slap shot,” if you will.