Fish and Cherries Productions

Hey, it’s 12-12… not 12. Oh well, two out of three isn’t bad. Anyway, let’s look at something we usually only get in December with a Doctor Who special: aliens! This is my review of Arrival.

Arrival

The Muppets is a movie that’s very odd for me to talk about, since I really liked it and yet still found it incredibly cheesy. And that was probably the whole point. Also, Chris Cooper raps. There exists a page on TV Tropes called Sweet Dreams Fuel for works that will put people in a good mood and make them feel great inside, which describes this movie perfectly. The sets and costumes are bright, colorful, and inviting, the entire cast plays well off of each other, and the villain, played by Chris Cooper, is cheesy and over the top while still being effectual. And he raps. There’s two ways to look at this movie. The first is as the anti-Ted; both have a human and a stuffed being living together in a state of arrested development that perturbs the human’s lady love, but not only is it a lot less raunchy and cynical than Ted, but in this case, it’s more of the stuffed guy’s journey that acts as the pivotal point for their relationship to work. Another is as a meta commentary of the Muppet phenomenon as a whole; in the modern day of the movie (as well as real life), the Muppets have fallen out of favor in the public eye and they have to put on a performance to try and win back the crowd and see if they can get enough money to keep their name alive. Taken out of context, that could easily describe the stakes of the movie itself. In which Chris Cooper raps. Apart from that, I don’t know what else to say. It’s the Muppets. It’s got songs, it’s got really witty humor, it’s got celebrity guests like you wouldn’t believe, it’s got everything that put the Muppets on the map in the first place. And it’s got Chris Cooper rapping. So after all is said and done, especially after the reprise of The Rainbow Connection brought actual tears to my eyes (something very few movies have achieved), I can’t give anything but a glowing recommendation.

Seriously, though, why did Chris Cooper rap? And why did I not know that I needed that in my life until now?

SPOILER WARNING

Man of Steel was complete garbage and one of the most joyless experiences I’ve ever experienced in the theater. It goes against everything that the Superman character stands for and doesn’t even have the intelligence to realize that it isn’t an intelligent redesign. Almost everything is wrong with this film, from the script to the washed out pallet to its failed attempts at being “mature” to the fact that Superman, the ultimate hero of our time, saves no one and actually causes more destruction than the villains. The fact that Superman actually kills General Zod doesn’t help either, not only because it’s a betrayal of the character, but because there were any number of ways that he could have solved that problem, like flying away or sending him back to the Phantom Zone earlier. Hell, the entire movie runs an idiot plot because Zod could have just made the new Krypton on Mars or Venus and never would have had to fight anyone. And Jonathan Kent, Superman’s moral center growing up, suggesting that it might be acceptable to let a bus full of children die when he could have done something about it? If I may drop the pretense of professionalism for a bit…

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKK
YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!

There is nothing to be gained from watching this cinematic stillbirth except the growing realization that you wasted good money and hours of your time. This has officially set my new standard for bad movies. It’s drab, it’s depressing, it’s downright worthless. And do you want to know what the real kicker is? I never knew how much I cared about Superman until I saw him butchered on the big screen.