Fish and Cherries Productions

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks is a huge step up from its predecessor. While the first Equestria Girls was decent, it stumbled under things like squeezing in unnecessary subplots and a pointless love interest. Not so with this sequel. While the love interest still lacks a point, he mostly stays on the sidelines. But the plot is a lot more centralized and streamlined without any extraneous subplots in the way. It also does a great job integrating the songs into the story, the plot focusing on a musical competition at the high school and thus justifying all of the songs. But the best part about this movie is that it focuses on Sunset Shimmer, the previous film’s antagonist, and her quest for redemption and acceptance. I have to say that this side of Sunset Shimmer is far more interesting and dynamic than the stereotypical mean girl side from before. The ending itself deserves mention, as it features an epic display of visuals and emotional impact, which was much better than the abrupt and head-scratching climax of the last film. As you can probably tell, the creators learned from their mistakes and turned out a great product. I know it’s a reviewer’s sin to make this pun, but Rainbow Rocks rocks.

Like you, I am shocked about the video that was leaked from inside DHX Studios containing what can only be described as “shocking debauchery.” We don’t know who the source is, but clues point to someone inside Hasbro or perhaps the head of Jan Animations, who was recently brought onto the facilities for a possible job interview. Whoever took the video did so at great risk to show us that behind the technicolor horses and friendship letters lies a bed of corruption that even the worst frat party would call extreme.

Things started out rather innocuously when Tara Strong was found eating grapes in an outfit that can best be described as a cross between Twilight Sparkle and Harley Quinn. Reliable and scrupulous sources such as TMZ report that she does everyday grocery shopping in this outfit. However, things started to get strange when Andrea Libman walked in wearing a red negligee and then threw it off to reveal a Princess Leia metal bikini underneath, all while the soundtrack to Flashdance was playing. The two women started dancing as the fire sprinklers went off and spewed whipped cream, prompting M.A. Larsen to strut in wearing nothing but a banana hammock patterned with Discord’s colors.

More and more staff began to come in as the degenerate sight increased in magnitude. We thought that things were bad when Meghan McCarthy and Sibsy started limboing under a live python and doing something unspeakable with cherries, but that was just the icing on the cake. Speaking of, it was at this point that a large wedding cake was rolled in and from inside popped out Amy Keating Rogers and Josh Haber, both wearing see-through white dressed and merged at the sides to be Siamese twins by a strange concoction of butterscotch and curdled goat milk.

However, the true horror came several minutes later when the doors swung open and in came Michelle Creber, fully dressed as Ming the Merciless, on a palanquin carried by the Living Tombstone, accompanied by a dog that had Black Gryph0n’s head attached (and talking, like a crazy experiment out of Mars Attacks). It was then that the Living Tombstone started dropping a mad beat and Michelle proceeded to call Cthulhu, Hastur, and all of the other old ones who all appeared and started warping reality around them. It was at this point that the hitherto unknown videographer ran away screaming, sounding a lot like Donald Duck singing Gwar while underwater and further escapades were unknown.

Look, I get that the studio’s motto is, “Whatever happens at DHX stays at DHX,” but I feel like a line has to be drawn somewhere. I fear that if the higher ups of Hasbro see this, this may be the end of ponies as we know it. Or… maybe they’re in on it.

CEC the Ronin’s glorious return is here! Also, he’s reviewing some obscure show about horses that people may not have heard of.