Fish and Cherries Productions

Hey all. Just wanted to let you know that, from the 18th through the 20th, I’ll be at BABSCon (Bay Area Brony Spectacular Convention) up at the Hyatt Regency up in Burlingame, California. I’m going to be trying to increase my audience and maybe even get noticed by the professionals, but if you happen to follow my stuff, hope to see you there!

About a week ago, late on the night of April 8th, James Hellwig passed away. Hellwig was a (in)famous person in the world of wrestling under the moniker of the Ultimate Warrior, which he eventually legally changed his name to. Now I was not into wrestling, but I have seen clips of him in his persona that can only be described as bat shit insane. I have also seen clips of him as a motivation speaker, where he revealed his homophobic nature with such words of wisdom as, “Queering does not make the world work.” However, my true introduction to the halls of the mountains of madness known as the Warrior’s mind through the short-lived comic series that he wrote simply called “Warrior.” If you’re tempted to read this incomprehensible mess, don’t bother; the ever talented Linkara and Spoony have taken the liberty of looking at all four issues and verbally tearing them to pieces in the way that only internet critics can do. Consider these videos the official wake for the Ultimate Warrior.

Goodnight, sweet warrior. And thousands of jawa demons skronk thee to the Terrain of Testament. DESTRUCITY!!!!!

So some people may have noticed via either my Twitter or my other personal feeds, I haven’t been at full for about a month. Well, it’s been a little worse than that. I was actually bedridden for about three weeks and suffering for two weeks previously before actually getting it checked out. With that said, I guess I should lay the whole thing out on the table. For the past five weeks, I have been suffering from a testicular sprain.

Testicular. Sprain.

Yeah, I’m just as befuddled as you are.

Well, okay, to be more accurate, it was fluid build-up and swelling around the tube connecting the right testicle to the rest of the body, but both the symptoms and the treatments (ice on the area, anti-inflamatories, supportive garments, not agitating it) are the same as a sprain, so I call it that for simplicity’s sake. As to how I got it, I was at the gym on the bicycle machine and as I was pulling my right leg back, I felt a popping sensation in the groin area and found that driving, standing, sitting, and climbing stairs were extremely painful. And seeing as I live on the third floor with no elevator… yeah.

BUT I’m better now, or at the very least, I’m on the mend. I still feel a bit of pain now as I’m sitting, so I’m not sure if it’s completely recovered, but I’m getting there. I may have to take it easy for a few more days, which doesn’t particularly thrill me. However, I’d rather work for many months on end than work sporadically and then have to lie down because I pushed myself for too long. But the wheels are turning and soon Fish and Cherries Productions will be pumping full steam ahead.

Like you, I am shocked about the video that was leaked from inside DHX Studios containing what can only be described as “shocking debauchery.” We don’t know who the source is, but clues point to someone inside Hasbro or perhaps the head of Jan Animations, who was recently brought onto the facilities for a possible job interview. Whoever took the video did so at great risk to show us that behind the technicolor horses and friendship letters lies a bed of corruption that even the worst frat party would call extreme.

Things started out rather innocuously when Tara Strong was found eating grapes in an outfit that can best be described as a cross between Twilight Sparkle and Harley Quinn. Reliable and scrupulous sources such as TMZ report that she does everyday grocery shopping in this outfit. However, things started to get strange when Andrea Libman walked in wearing a red negligee and then threw it off to reveal a Princess Leia metal bikini underneath, all while the soundtrack to Flashdance was playing. The two women started dancing as the fire sprinklers went off and spewed whipped cream, prompting M.A. Larsen to strut in wearing nothing but a banana hammock patterned with Discord’s colors.

More and more staff began to come in as the degenerate sight increased in magnitude. We thought that things were bad when Meghan McCarthy and Sibsy started limboing under a live python and doing something unspeakable with cherries, but that was just the icing on the cake. Speaking of, it was at this point that a large wedding cake was rolled in and from inside popped out Amy Keating Rogers and Josh Haber, both wearing see-through white dressed and merged at the sides to be Siamese twins by a strange concoction of butterscotch and curdled goat milk.

However, the true horror came several minutes later when the doors swung open and in came Michelle Creber, fully dressed as Ming the Merciless, on a palanquin carried by the Living Tombstone, accompanied by a dog that had Black Gryph0n’s head attached (and talking, like a crazy experiment out of Mars Attacks). It was then that the Living Tombstone started dropping a mad beat and Michelle proceeded to call Cthulhu, Hastur, and all of the other old ones who all appeared and started warping reality around them. It was at this point that the hitherto unknown videographer ran away screaming, sounding a lot like Donald Duck singing Gwar while underwater and further escapades were unknown.

Look, I get that the studio’s motto is, “Whatever happens at DHX stays at DHX,” but I feel like a line has to be drawn somewhere. I fear that if the higher ups of Hasbro see this, this may be the end of ponies as we know it. Or… maybe they’re in on it.

Hello, all.

Wow, last year kinda sucked for me. I got screwed out of my security deposit, moved into a place where I felt unsafe, experienced heartbreak, heard that the family dog had to be put down, went to a depression support group that actually made things worse, didn’t come out with any videos for the better part of the year, and lost sleep and peace of mind looking for a new place before the new year. But this is looking like it’s going to be a good year; I’ve got a creative writing job with a salary, I’m working on some projects, I’ve got a great new apartment all to myself, and my network of friends, family, and support is backing me for some potent creative works. With that said, there are going to be a few announcements.

First of all, I will not be posting v-logs for the immediate future. Twenty minutes of me rambling about a movie isn’t conducive to my time and doesn’t bring in a lot of revenue. Instead, I’m going to be posting short text reviews about movies which I will call Reel Snippets. They’ll take a lot less time to make and it will hopefully draw more interest, since I’m not asking you to spend a long time watching me get to the point. There’s a backlog of these on my Facebook, so be prepared for a flood of posts.

Second, you’re going to be seeing a lot more writing pieces up here (since that’s my job and I’ll be able to share some of my stuff here), however, this won’t be the first place you’ll find some of them. Websites won’t take pieces if they are not the first place they get posted, so they’ll appear there first. However, this is going to be the main hub of my work. I’ll update you as to whether the 2012 story will be posted here in the future, since it may need to follow the same rules to be published, even though it’ll have to go through a lot of edits.

Third, while I still want to do videos, especially Ronin’s Rants, my time to do them is going to be limited. You see, this is the first time that I’m working a full-time job, so I don’t have the free time that I used to. If the video involves social justice in some way (that’s part of the criteria of the job I have), then I can use work time for it, but I don’t know if that’ll happen anytime soon. Still though, there’s new things coming, that’s for sure. And now I don’t have to worry about anyone in my house snapping and threatening me with assault if something’s not to their liking.

Anyway, that’s my big opening announcement for 2014. Fish and Cherries Productions is certainly not dead and I’m looking forward to this year. Stay tuned!

Leo Bryce made his way to the top of the Sears Tower, his feet trembling on every step. Reaching the top, he looked out into the setting sun and over the grand city, listening to all its sounds.

Closing his eyes, he put one foot over the edge and let himself fall.

Interested? Look at the first chapter of my new online novel here.

So some of you may have noticed that my updates have been sparse as of late. There are a few reasons for this. First off, my official job is political, so the entire time leading up to the election was very busy. Now that it’s over with, I can get back to work… or I would if it weren’t for the second problem: I lost a piece of my new microphone in Italy. The new part’s on it’s way, but I don’t feel comfortable recording Ronin’s Rants without it because the acoustics are somewhat lacking. Thirdly, Thanksgiving’s almost here, which means I’ll be spending a lot of family time next week. So I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’ll be a bit before the next Ronin’s Rants. Will you guys be okay with Mass Effect in the meantime?

So I’ve returned from my Italy trip with plenty of new footage for an upcoming video. What is it? Well, you’re just going to have to wait and see. On that note, I’ve got two announcements about the videos on the site. Firstly, Ronin’s Rants is back up and running after a week recovering from jetlag. I can’t say when the next video is going to be up, though, because I’m going the Wisconsin for my cousin’s wedding. As much as I love doing these videos, family time always takes precedence.

The second is regarding the Mass Effect Let’s Play. Since they’re a lot easier to come out with and since I don’t want to flood the front page with constant Mass Effect videos, I’m going to be posting the Let’s Play episodes in bulk. You can still find the individual videos on the Videos page, but on the main thread, one post will encompass multiple Mass Effect videos. Case in point.

Mass Effect 3 – Episode 12: Hold On, We Need To Calibrate The Title
Mass Effect 3 – Episode 13: Catharsis

Till next time, fellow travelers.